The date comes every year whether I want it to or not, and I still remember everything about that morning (and the night before) as it happened 8 years ago.
I remember the call. Then I remember the next call that I had to make, calling to tell my husband he needed to come home from work. Then I remember the call after that. To my mom, telling her the news, and how I didn't know how I was ever going to get those words out to say to her. I remember the last thing I said to him as we transfered him to the hospice. And how making the decision to send him to the hospice was probably one of the hardest choices I'd ever have to make.
But, I knew my dad, I knew his wishes, and I had to respect that. He'd had a stroke a few weeks before which had left him pretty helpless, and he was pretty pissed about that. Then they found the Cancer. Melanoma that had gone to his lungs and brain. They gave him weeks. It turned out to be just several hours. I left him that night, telling him not to worry, everything was going to be ok, and that I loved him and would see him in the morning. Part of me thinks back to those words and how everything was not ok...but then an even bigger part of me think back and knows that really was the right thing to say, even though I did not know it at the time. He passed just a few hours later, and finally everything really was ok, and he no longer would have any worries. In his last hours he asked to see a Minister, and being Catholic, although non-praciting for years, he chose to pray and hear his Last Rites. My father was by no means a man of God, in fact, he was probably quite the opposite.He liked to enjoy his life, his whiskey, his guns, and various other vices... But, in the end he knew God was calling him, and welcomed his leaving us to be in a better place.
I miss my dad dearly. Daily. However, I still find peace in knowing that his prescence is always around me and my family, keeping us safe. While I wish that he was here to see my babies, I know that he sees them and knows them well.
Just came across your post. Just wanted to say I understand your pain. My dad went into hospice on 3/21/09 and passed away 3/30/09. They made him much more comfortable than I ever could at home and when he was ready, my mama came and took him home. I know how hard this is. God bless you! Eva
ReplyDeleteDont know but they made him much more comfortable than I ever could at home and when he was ready, my mama came and took him home. I know how hard this is. God bless you!
ReplyDelete